Most runners have a significant other. Some of these people are also runners and some aren't. Until recently, my significant other otherwise known as my "beloved" was not a runner. So I have put in a lot thought about how runners can avoid some relationship pitfalls. First, I will offer some suggestions when you have a relationship with a non-runner.
Let's get something straight, the non-runner does not fully understand your obsession with running. The never ending buying of shoes and other clothes, the races, the need for a long run on the weekend, why you can run for a few hours and have a big smile on your face. Or, how you can run for 3 hours but not have enough energy to clean the garage.It's a mystery to them. But, he or she can be accepting of your obsession if you remember one very important thing.
Do not let your running be a bigger priority than they are. If you want to have a good relationship, you're going to have to come up with some creative ideas of getting in your workouts and giving quality and quantitative time to your significant other. Here are some tips:
1) Run while at work, give up the lunch hour.
2) Get up early, much earlier if necessary.
3) When she is doing something on her own, go for a run.
4) Always keep a pair of running shoes at work and in your car. Be like a boy scout aka Be Prepared!
5) If she/he asks you to run an errand, take "run" literally and run to the store and back.
6) Remember that 2-3 runs of a few miles each still equal 6-10 miles of running a day.
Okay, I won't bore you with more suggestions, I'm sure you get the picture. Now on to relationships where both people are runners.
If you are the more experienced runner, promise yourself one thing.
Do not become THE EXPERT and coach all of the fun out of the new runner. It's supposed to be fun, remember? If your SO asks you questions about training or shoes and you know what you are talking about or you write to me first, then offer a suggestion. Keep it a suggestion, and not an order. Be patient. What feels like a nice easy 9 mile jog is a lung burning torture fest to the new runner. If you run with them, think of it as a recovery run.
My SO recently gave me a near heart attack when she said she wanted to do a couples 5K relay around Lake Merritt in Oakland California. I said sure and signed us up. She continued to run and walk on the treadmill. Being a coach, I did sneak a peak at her form, saw it was pretty good and kept my mouth shut. When she told me she had done 2 miles or 40 minutes on the treadmill of running and walking, I praised her. Otherwise, I kept my mouth shut. She didn't ask me about the race other than how it would work. In this case, the women would run a 5K followed by the men. The weather report said it would be raining and I said to her that if she didn't want to run, then that was fine. Remember, this is supposed to be fun and not boot camp. It was pouring rain the morning of the race, but she said she wanted to try. Before the beginning of the race, she asked me about how fast she should run. I suggested that she start slow and then if she felt good, to try to speed up and not to worry about the other runners. So, she lined up and off they went. Some 30 minutes later, she come jogging in with a smile and I take off. After the race, I said over and over how proud of her I was. Remember that. You should be proud too. Running a race for the first time is an accomplishment. We all know the feeling during a race where the body wants to slow down or quit and your mind forces you to go on. New racers learning this and overcoming their doubts and fears should be praised,
especially if they are your SO!! So let's review:
1) Don't be a know it all and suck all the fun out of running.
2) Share information when asked, make suggestions, but don't be offended if the suggestions aren't taken
3) Reward them for meeting goals, the first mile, the first 5K, the first race.
4) If you are a marathoner and your SO wants to run a 5K, do it. Be your SO's pacer during the race.
5) Use running as a vacation. Suggest a race at a vacation spot. Some people run in the Vegas marathon just to get married. In this race, you can stop in the middle of the marathon, take your vows and finish the race!
She told me that she wants to run another 5k, only we have to go together. Big smile on face, "great!" And I meant it too!